This is the directory of all the slash I have written by myself or with a co-write buddy (I being arctic_grey). Under the cut you will find everything with a short description as well as some additional commentary from me. The stories are in chronological order, and I'd like to think that some development is visible. I have enjoyed writing every one of these and they are all dear to me, and I hope that you'll enjoy reading them!
who stomped their feet, saying,
"Shut- shut up!
I am dreaming of places
where lovers have wings."
Ryan/Brendon | overall R | 34,700 | 11 chapters, prologue, epilogue
A post-break up Ryan and Brendon meet up for a cup of coffee, not having seen each other since they split up some fifteen months before. Both live new lives now, but are about to understand that some things never change. My very first slash story, and it shows, but I think back to it fondly.
The Bridge Series: Iron, Neon Lights & Weed and Kites, Bass Lines & Heat
Neon: Ryan/Brendon with side pairings | overall NC-17 | 92k | 30 chapters + 2 secret chapters + joint epilogue with Kites
Kites: Jon/Spencer with side pairings | overall NC-17 | 87k | 17 chapters + joint epilogue with Neon
First I wrote Neon and after that I wrote a spin-off, Kites. Basically it's the same story, first from Brendon's POV, then from Spencer's (which was never my intention originally, but the spin-off just happened). Brendon is an ambitious kid who wants to be the next big thing and joins the Las Vegas underground music scene to get a record deal. At the heart of everything is the underground music club The Bridge. Brendon tries to fit in, and in the process he meets Ryan Ross, a drug dealer scene king who couldn't care less about some newbie, and things get complicated because that's just what things do. Spencer's story tells the tale of how his ex-boyfriend, Jon, makes a comeback to the infamous Bridge scene. Spencer has not seen Jon since they broke up and Jon disappeared, and Spencer has been bitter ever since. He is determined not to give a fuck about Jon, and therefore does everything possible to make Jon's life a living hell.
Dates With Lost Meanings
Ryan/Spencer | PG-15 | 3,100
A short, angsty s/a written for my first beta's birthday. Um, it probably didn't fit the jubilant mood, but...
The One Where Brendon Gets Knocked Up
Brendon/his bandmates | genderswap, mpreg, het sex | NC-17 | 10,000
Comedy! Brendon turns into a girl and engages in carnal relations with all of his bandmates (because that's what would happen irl too). He turns back into a guy, but discovers he is pregnant, leaving him with a big problem: who is the father?
PATD/groupies | R | 3,800
More comedy. The groupie experience of Panic at the Disco could be divided into four distinctive waves. Need I say more?
Ryan/Brendon | overall NC-17 | 31,700 | 7 parts
Ryan and Brendon have been best friends since they were kids, but life has thrown them to different directions. They rarely see each other: Ryan travels because of his work and lives in New York while Brendon is stuck in Las Vegas. When Ryan feels like it's time for him to change his life around, he turns to his best friend. This story is the result of an insane week-long writing process, I honestly just sat at the computer and wrote until I was done.
Second Skin, a co-write with babycomeback2me
Ryan/Brendon | overall NC-17 | 3 parts
My first co-write! Back in early 2007 Baby contacted me and said she was stuck with a story, asking for my help. This story happened! Brendon and Ryan have always been best friends and only realise their potential for more when Ryan is forced to move away. Years later they are reunited and get the chance to act on feelings they didn't have the courage to admit when they were teenagers.
Jon/Spencer | R | 7,200
It was just an insignificant tour thing. Spencer had someone waiting for him at home, and they all knew it. Jon was just a replacement, and it certainly didn’t mean anything.
We're Not on The Map But We're On Our Way
GSF | NC-17 | 21,500
The road trip fic. This, actually, might be my favourite of all I've ever written. Well, after THROAM. Four strangers in a car, and they don't know where they're going. This fic just came to me and I found myself writing fifteen pages per day.
Band Slash Saves Spencer Smith
mainly Jon/Spencer | genderswap | PG-15 | 5,200
Genderswap comedy - again. Spencer turns into a girl and is stuck in a cabin with his bandmates. Brendon conducts a scientific study to turn him back into a boy, but only ends up creating chaos and confusion.
Inhuman, a co-write with babycomeback2me
vampire!Ryan/human!Brendon | NC-17 | 12,000
Baby and I figured we both love vampires. Forbidden!love fic happens! Ryan Ross is a vampire who has betrayed his own kind. He has settled down and lives with a human servant, who satisfies all of his needs. Ryan’s choice of life infuriates his former clan, who are about to take revenge on him for his questionable attachment to a mere mortal.
Encounters: Five Stories of Love and Loss
Ryan/Brendon | PG-13 | 5,400
A collection of five stories, all dealing with a post-break up Ryan and Brendon. I had an obsession to write about ex-boyfriends. The setting is so perfect for angst that I could not resist, lol.
The Black Rose Season
Ryan/Brendon with side pairings | overall NC-17 | 155k | 32 chapters
This story has probably been the most amazing experience of my slash career. Ryan, an introverted English Lit. student, is forced to join the infamous Sigma Chi Beta fraternity as a spy. His job is to discover a secret society, which might not even exist. He is only given one clue: Brendon Urie. But what made this story so amazing for me as a writer was the way so many people embraced it and got into it and... well, fuck me. It was incredible to share this with people.
Remember the C Shot
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | 6,200
The porn movie fic. Ryan and Brendon are porn stars. They make a movie.
Ryan/Brendon, Brendon/Jon and others | R | 13, 000
A growing up story. Brendon escaped the dying town he grew up in, and he made it: sold out venues, magazine covers, sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll. Struggling with depression and alcoholism, he begins to visit the place he tried so hard to get away from, seeing the life he could have had, visiting the one person he never could have.
In the Sidelines
Jon/Spencer | overall R | 34k | 5 parts
Jon, your average business management student, goes to a Panic at the Disco gig with his little sister and meets a man named Spencer. Joncer happens because that is what Joncer does. This fic was mostly my way of exploring the themes of distance, dealing with being in the public eye, the fine line between what is private and what is not, and how one man tries to come to terms with it all.
Footsteps in the Snow
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | 10,900
This was written for panicolympics' Team Ryan. It's a fantasy AU in which all men have halves, but magic has died out, preventing men from finding their soulmates. But, one day, Brendon hears a voice in his head, and it is not his own.
The One Where Ryan Gets Laid on His Birthday, a co-write with buildyourwalls
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | 5,800
Ryan gets laid. On... his birthday. Written for spazzyskittles's 21st birthday! <33
Spilled Ink | tattoo shop 'verse
Jon/Spencer (side Ryan/Brendon) | mpreg | NC-17 | 21,200
Two relationships on the doorstep of something new, one tattoo shop, one mistake, one bundle of cells (Spencer refuses to call it a baby), and four men trying to come to terms with change. Has a sequel if you scroll down.
By Super, I Mean You
Ryan/Brendon | superpower!AU | PG-13 | 5,000
In which our boys have superpowers and Brendon is a dork.
Leave You Here, Stripped Bare
Jon/Brendon | very AU | PG-15 | 9,400
Jon’s life is on a loop, every day a repeat of the previous one. He meets Brendon, who comes and goes as he pleases. Jon is mesmerised and willing to overlook all the things that don’t add up in the man he is falling for. This fic is based on The Decemberists' song The Bagman's Gambit. I thought that the song was amazing and suddenly wanted to write a fic based on it, and then I did so over one weekend.
It's Not the Size of the Boat (It's the Motion of the Ocean)
Jon/Spencer | NC-17 | 11,500
Holiday fic for justranda as part of the santaatthedisco exchange. Jon and Spencer have a thing. Christmas is coming and no one knows what to get anyone. Oh, and Spencer’s a virgin.
Rootless and Free
Jon/Spencer, Aimee/Conway | PG-13 | post-band fic, minor character death, future fic | 15,500
In which Jon and Spencer's kids fall in love. “Dad always says that Jon could drink a bottle of whiskey and not get drunk. One of the many things that really impressed my dad. I think you missed out on that gene. I found this box once, hundreds and hundreds of pictures of the band, of Jon. Why are they not friends anymore?”
It's Just A Stupid Ring or How Brendon Baggins Saved Middle Ramen
Brendon the Hobbit/Ryan the Ring, Jon the Heartthrob/Spencer the Elf| PG-13 | 5,800
Bandom goes Tolkien.
Posing in a Ballroom
Brendon/Ryan, Brendon/Spencer, Jon/Spencer | overall NC-17 | 136k | 24 chapters
They have it all: money, fame and a strong foothold in the New York scene of the young and the beautiful. But past the exterior, they are struggling to survive and keep their secrets to themselves as lines between lovers, friends and enemies begin to blur together.
Colour Outside the Lines | tattoo shop 'verse
Brendon/Ryan (Spencer/Jon) | mpreg | NC-17 | tattoo shop!AU | 22,200
Sequel to Spilled Ink. Ryan finds out that his husband of three years is pregnant and tries not to freak out. Meanwhile Brendon is excited about their baby, Jon is trying to give advice, and Spencer is questioning the accuracy of Jon’s continuous herd metaphors.
Save the Sticks (Bang the Drums)
Spencer/drumsticks (Ryan/Spencer, wistful GSF) | drumstick!porn | NC-17 | 4,900
Pretty self-explanatory, I hope!
Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer (+ others) | British University!AU | NC-17 | 48,500
Brendon is trying to save the world, Ryan is trying to get his academic career rolling, Jon is trying not to crush on a straight guy, and Spencer is trying get back home. This fic was inspired by my own anxiety of not knowing what the hell to do with my life. Well, here are four boys with different answers to that question.
The Years Won't See It (The Way I Want Them To)
bb!Brendon/future!Brendon, Ryan/Brendon | timetravel!fic | NC-17 | 11,200
The stranger, who looks exactly like Brendon except older, moves restlessly, knees bouncing. “I’m you, get it? I am you. Five years from now.”
To Be Alone with the Freedom: bandombigbang fic
Jon/Spencer | Roman-esque slave!AU | NC-17 | 29,500
Jon, a scribe, is called upon one of the city’s wealthiest men to train his pueri – boys raised to become pets for prestigious upper class men. Against his better judgement, Jon begins to develop feelings for one of them.
Jon/Spencer (Ryan/Brendon, Pete/Patrick) | superpower!AU | NC-17 | 32,200
Jon doesn’t see the future. He sees scenarios of what might be, and sometimes it’s difficult to differentiate between dreams and visions. But he knows that he is going to meet a guy. Jon knows nothing of him, but he knows the way the guy will make him feel, and even if it was just a blurred vision, Jon knows he’s never felt anything like it.
And I Drew a Heart on Your Window (With My Blood)
Jon/Spencer | R | 9,600
Comedy wedding present for holycloud and severaldaysago where Ryan wants to become a male midwife, Jon decides to go camping in a totally non-gay way, Brendon acts like a 5-year-old with a Disney obsession because that never gets old, Pete never stopped harassing Patrick (or anyone else for that matter), and Spencer Smith is pissed the fuck off.
You Gotta Dance With Who You Came With
Ryan/Brendon | PG-13 | 5,700
Written for the rydenrevival. Brendon forgot about the prom but decides that it’s a rite of passage he cannot miss, and Ryan acts like the bitch that he is, only not really.
Relearning How to Breathe | a vegan 'verse fic
Jon/Spencer (+ side pairings) | mpreg | NC-17 | 71,800
Written for the joncerjumpstart. When Spencer realises that his morally questionable supply closet incident has left him pregnant with his boss’s child, he tries to stay positive. Jon’s entire future gets rearranged upon receiving the news, but they decide to raise the child together even if they are strangers. Friends, vegans, clashing social classes and opinions make the following months a chaotic swirl during which the two men realise that maybe neither one of them wants what they thought they did.
The Heart Rate of a Mouse
Ryan/Brendon (+ other pairings) | NC-17 | 513,000 words
The 70's fic where Ryan, one of the most distinguished musicians of his generation, falls in love with a roadie he meets on their 1974 summer tour. A twisted, dark and passionate relationship evolves, covering the span of several years, filled with lust, hurt and love.
Obstreperousness or Three Ways Not to Leave Your Lover | a vegan 'verse fic
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | 6,000
Ryan and Brendon aren’t dating because they hate each other. Really. This is a sequel to Relearning How to Breathe and a prequel to an upcoming Ry/Bren mpreg.
A Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy
robot!Ryan/the world | PG-13 | 4,000
It is a truth not universally acknowledged that every small boy of highly advanced mechanical and electrical skills must be in want of a robot. Thus, Spencer created George 1.0. or a tongue-in-cheek version of Panic history except events are explained by Ryan being, oh, a robot.
What He Had
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | post-split | 2,700
Ryan thought his on-stage boners would go away after he left Panic. He was wrong. (A phone sex PWP.)
How a Resurrection Really Feels
Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer | NC-17 | motorcycle!gang AU | 120,000 | a co-write with holycloud
After narrowly escaping certain death, fierce, tough and masculine motorcycle gang members Ryan and Spencer head out to the wilderness to avoid mortal danger, accompanied by a heartless assassin who might turn on them any second. No, really. Like, any second. The trio crosses paths with Brendon, who won’t shut up about the grace of God and, more worryingly, likes to wear dresses. Or, well, just the bodices. It’s not like he likes the skirts.
No Use in Turnin’ on Your Light
Ryan/Brendon | R | 60s folksinger/teacher!AU | 9,800
The neighbouring farm got sold to a Mr. Wentz from New York, but Brendon didn’t think twice about it, not even when his fiancée excitedly told him that Ryan Ross, the folksinger, was to stay there. The summer of 1963 was expected to be rainy and hot. They were right.
Just Keep Me Hanging On | a vegan 'verse fic
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | vegan 'verse mpreg | 56,000
Brendon is convinced that he has to emotionally blackmail his husband into starting a family with him, but turns out that for once Ryan agrees with him on something. Ryan is all for knocking Brendon up - it’s a nice excuse to have ridiculous amounts of sex, for one thing. But the pregnancy tests are negative. Negative. Negative. Brendon doesn’t want to talk about it as he pushes Ryan away, and Ryan feels more and more detached from the man that he married in the heat of the moment.
Miguel Sanchez's Grand Slam of Love | bandombigbang fic
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | tennis!AU | 56,000
Ryan Ross, the world’s number one tennis player, 8-time Grand Slam winner whose only true love is tennis, loses to an upcoming talent. What’s worse is that the kid just keeps smiling at him, trying to be Ryan’s new best friend, when all Ryan wants to do is punch him in his rather beautifully shaped face.
Ryan/Brendon | PG-13 | post-split canon | 8,300
Ryan meets a dog that looks hauntingly familiar and stares at him a lot. Despite his best efforts, the dog seems determined to be called Brendon, but it’s not weird or anything that his sort of pet is named after his former bandmate. Not weird at all.
He Acts Like We Never Have Met (I Don't Believe You) (THROAM!AU)
THROAM!Ryan/THROAM!Brendon | NC-17 | THROAM!AU timetravel fic | 14,000
An alternative universe fic of The Heart Rate of a Mouse in which Ryan goes back in time. This is what we faggots do: sit in the cars of strangers after sunset, watching them pay for a motel room at the reception.
Unaccountable Idiocy or Cranberries for Christmas, Nopales for New Year's | a vegan 'verse fic
Ryan/Brendon | R | 8,700
Baby shit from infants, black thongs from sex shops, herbs from Brent Wilson, and a couple that bitches so much they probably never should have gotten married. Yes, it’s Christmas in the Ross household.
Spencer/Brendon | R | hospital!AU | 11,600 | written for sowrongitsbec as a part of the qldfloodauction
Brendon is just as married to his job as the next doctor and is slowly realising that he is doomed to be alone. One day, however, a cute rock climber comes in, and Brendon feels his heart fluttering. Meanwhile Ryan Ross is the worst intern the hospital has ever seen and, what’s worse, the idiot seems intent on accidentally killing Brendon’s hot patient.
Ryan/Brendon | NC-17 | regency!AU | 32,200 | written for bandombigbang 2011
“I have no intention of succumbing to love this summer,” Brendon said confidently as he arrived to Stourhead, his wealthy uncle’s estate. He had not known that his cousin of royal blood would also be spending his summer there, and he did not expect to befriend the future duke either. But as the summer passes along, Brendon slowly realises that he and his cousin are not merely becoming friends - indeed, he soon finds himself losing his heart.
Zip It (Just Say Yes)
Ryan/Brendon | PG-13 |4,200
The first ficlet written for the BN Says "I Do" series. This one's for New York.
They See Me Rollin', They Hatin'
various pairings | PG-13 |5,800
Brendon mentally turns into a fangirl.
p.s. I couldn't resist the lame Spoon reference.